Stoicism Undone

This is just a very short post. I have been researching and working on a few things just recently (in the midst of all my other activities). Stoicism, kaizen, resiliency, etc. I also was looking at a book called “The Code of Trust” by Robin Dreeke.

And I had a problem yesterday. I have researched all of these things, and I have been studying them to integrate them into my own behavior. Yesterday, faced with a close friend and business partner, I seem to have failed utterly to implement any of the practices I so admire.

Her voice rose, she overrode what I was saying, she clearly had only her own agenda that she was looking at, and she was utterly convinced she was right. All of my study, all of my good intentions to modify my behavior in the Stoic manner or as mentioned in The Code of Trust, fell to the wayside in about five seconds. ☹☹☹ And to be fair, she had a reasonable point, it was just the way she behaved.

To give myself some credit, I didn’t walk away from the table, I didn’t engage in argument, but I did pout. 😜 Well, I made it obvious that I was being quiet, I sat back and I said nothing (while she rattled on). To give myself further credit I calmed down within a period of about five minutes.

But it irks me that even 18 hours later this is still bothering me. I just don’t know what to do about people like that. Hitting them over the head with an ax handle is not the best solution, although it’s what I felt like at the time. And truth to tell, she’s not like that very often but when she is, it just seems to short circuit every good intention I have. I guess all I can do is keep working on it.

To make it funnier, I’m pretty sure she probably didn’t even notice that there was a problem. And if she did notice she certainly wouldn’t have cared in the slightest, not to mention she would have forgotten it very rapidly. 😁

I’ve listened to this podcast with Robin Dreeke about four times now, and I think I’m going to buy the book because every time I listen to the podcast I pick up something that I hadn’t picked up on before. I perceive a lot of value in what he says. Some things that really caught my attention as I listened to the podcast again this morning were:

Recognize emotional hijacking as quickly as you can so you can combat it

The need to  maintain cognitive thought processes while dealing with someone

Being empathetic

Don’t get emotionally attached to the other person’s decisions – offer yourself as a resource to help them by maintaining an objective 3rd party analysis of what they are doing

And foundational traits for being able to deal well with others

1.      Happy healthy or professional relationships

2.      Open, honest, transparent communication

3.      Make yourself an available resource for other people’s success without running a balance sheet

All of these make a lot of sense to me. Some of them I do well already. I just have to develop the ‘mental muscle memory’ to be able to implement them when I’m being emotionally hijacked. What blew me away yesterday is how fast it happened. Well – better luck next time. 🤞

I’ll buy the book and do a review.